


I Said Improbable, Not Incapacitating

by nimblermortal



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Gen, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-11-30 00:54:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/693504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimblermortal/pseuds/nimblermortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Standard genderswap fic. Spock copes, no one else does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Said Improbable, Not Incapacitating

By the time Spock arrived at the bridge, he had noticed that something was different this morning, but he had taken stock of the situation, assessed whether it would affect his job performance, and seeing that it hadn’t, he had gotten on with his day. There were a few adjustments to be made, but they were easy to figure out. He made a note to look up possible causes when he had a break, but since he was due on the bridge, he simply went there.

He did not fail to notice the whispers as he walked through the Enterprise, but a ship was a contained environment, and gossip was good for the crew members’ mental health. They would seize on anything to talk about, and Spock was satisfied that he had been able to contribute to maintaining emotional equilibrium. Last week it had been a question of whether one of the engineers was pregnant, and with whose baby; she would doubtless be pleased to have attention diverted.

“Lieutenant Uhura,” he called when he saw her in the hallway. Uhura stopped, looked back at him, did a double-take, and stared. Spock ignored her reaction. “I seem to be having difficulty with my wardrobe this morning.” He tried not to get caught in the thought cycle that led first to discomfort at the idea of morning in mid-space, then to the idea of a unified galactic time system, and inevitably to trying to calculate the time in every time system he was aware of. He failed, so he moved the project to a lower-priority thought cycle and returned his attention to Uhura. “I realize it is not among your duties, but if you could find time to advise me on how to proceed, I would appreciate your input.”

Uhura was still gaping at him. Spock waited patiently for her to finish. She seemed to draw herself into a semblance of control, then lost it and spent some time trying not to giggle. Spock waited patiently. Humans were undependable.

“Let me get this straight,” she said at last. “You want me to help you with fashion?”

“That would be a legitimate interpretation, yes,” Spock said.

“Uh, great! I’ll see you after your shift, then,” Uhura said. “We’ll hit up supplies, it’ll be fun. Bonding. Sort of...” She lost her battle with giggles.

“Lieutenant Uhura, your job is communication with a wide variety of our alien neighbors,” Spock said severely. “I expect you to be better able to adapt to cultural differentiation.”

“Er - yes - is this normal for Vulcans then?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “I hypothesize it is related to our last stop. I intend to research the problem fully as soon as time permits. Excuse me; I will be late.”

The giggling and whispers did not stop at the bridge. Spock had to speak to several crew members severely to encourage them to concentrate. He was beginning to think this would be a more serious problem than he had anticipated. Even Kirk was giving him strange looks. He was grateful when it became time to pause for the midday meal; the mental pressure from those around him was fatiguing.

Kirk accompanied him to mess as usual, continuing to give him strange looks the entire time. So did Bones when he joined them, but no one said anything until they had all settled down and Spock, at least, had begun eating.

“Have you not noticed that you’re a girl?” Kirk asked at last, the question bubbling out of him.

“On the contrary, Captain, it seems a difficult fact to ignore,” Spock said. “I suspect my presence on the last mission triggered the change. It must have interacted with my Vulcan physiology, as none of the other crew members are affected. I sent a message to medical to inform them of the situation in case others developed similar symptoms.” He gave Bones an inquiring, if not accusatory, look.

“I thought it was a prank,” Bones said.

“It is not a prank,” Spock said solemnly.

“This does not _bother_ you?” Kirk asked.

“That would be illogical, Captain. It does not appear to have affected my performance. However...”

Kirk just went on staring as Spock detailed the reaction of the crew and laid out the costs and benefits of confining himself to quarters in order to improve general concentration. He assured the captain that he could work perfectly well from there. Kirk continued to be unconsoled.

“I assure you I have taken every conceivable precaution,” Spock assured him.

“Yeah, someone said you asked Uhura to go shopping...?”

“Indeed. She has access to the women’s uniform section and approximately my new body shape. It was a poorly considered decision, but not, I hope, an irrational one?”

“No, fine, have your girl party...” Kirk said, trailing off. Spock sighed and picked up his tray.

“In the context of this conversation, I must conclude that despite the risks of escalating levels of informal communication transcending personal boundaries, it would be more advantageous to the function of the Enterprise if I remained in my quarters until this has passed. Given that I imbibed no nutrients on the surface of the planet in question, I suspect it is an aerially transmitted infection that should expire when the substance passes through my system. I anticipate a maximum of three days outside the normal realms of function.” He looked at Bones again.

“Sure, sounds about right,” Bones said, sounding about as stupefied as Kirk. Spock sighed to himself. Humans. There was no understanding them.

“And if it doesn’t blow over?” Kirk asked.

“Then I will remain in my current state,” Spock said. “I assure you, Captain, it has no effect on my functions and, if it does seem to be a permanent condition, the reaction will ‘blow over’ relatively swiftly. Live long and prosper.”


End file.
